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    香港黄大仙救世网 After “I Do” Living Together

    时间:2014-12-25 13:39来源:未知 作者:admin 点击:
    Catch up on the entire After “I Do”? series?here! And if you have a burning question youd like to see discussed, submit it?here! ~~~ If you lived together before you were married: was anything different once you were married? In hindsigh

    Catch up on the entire After “I Do”? series?here! And if you have a burning question you’d like to see discussed, submit it?here!


    If you lived together before you were married: was anything different once you were married? In hindsight, do you wish you had waited to move in together until after you were married?

    If you didn’t live together before you got married: looking back do you wish you did it differently? Are you surprised by anything about your spouse that you didn’t know about until you moved in together post-wedding?

    Thank you to hive member Shea_Butter for the question!

    I moved into Mr. Swan’s apartment 2 years after we started dating (we were long distance the first six months), 8 months before Mr. Swan proposed and we were engaged for a year. I wouldn’t have done it differently. I was very adamant about NOT moving in together for a variety of reasons from financial to emotional, etc. I actually made Mr. Swan swear that if we broke up that he would help me fund a new apartment. NYC is expensive and with moving costs usually equal to three months of rent, that’s a major outlay of money to move. Before we moved in together, I let Mr. Swan know that if we weren’t discussing getting married (not necessarily engaged) within a year that I would be moving out. I meant it. I didn’t consider it an ultimatum, but I wanted to make sure that we were both on the same page as to what moving in together meant for our relationship. I wasn’t in a rush to be married, but I wasn’t interested in living with anyone long term without them being related to me by blood or marriage at that point in my life. I have no idea in retrospect if the timing of things was a function of age, as I was 30 and Mr. Swan was 32 at the time and had both lived alone for years. I think the timing worked out just right for us.

    We moved in together the summer after our sophomore year of college. We lived together for five years before getting married. I wouldn’t have done it any other way. We learned so much about each other. I don’t like surprises, so it was nice to have a good picture of what our married life would be like. We started merging our lives including our families and bank accounts long before our wedding.

    As far as life before and after the wedding in terms of living together, not much has changed. We do feel more focused on the future, but our living styles haven’t changed.

    We moved in together after the wedding and while it was a big change, I don’t regret it. We had been long distance (closest we lived was 45 minutes apart for about a year) for our five-year dating relationship, so when I moved in, we started counting the days as we marched toward breaking our record of consecutive days spent together. There was certainly a honeymoon phase where it was just so cool to wake up to each other and figure out how the other did a myriad of things. One of the best parts of moving in together was building up our team by renovating our home. It certainly hasn’t been all fun and games, but we’re definitely stronger for it!

    We lived together before we were married, but just like Mrs. Glasses, all of our finances were separate. We split everything evenly and would take turns paying when we went out on dates. After we were married, we combined everything and it was SO much easier. As for everything else, there were changes after the wedding even though we’d lived together beforehand. For one, there was just a different feeling in our relationship. The connotation of “husband” is a lot more serious than boyfriend and I think we both felt that. But, I don’t regret living together before marriage at all—sure, the “newness” or our living together didn’t happen after we were married, but we still experienced a change, and for us it allowed us to develop and determine our roles in the house, get used to each other, and figure out if all of this would work.

    We moved in together at about five months but got married after two and a half. When we first moved in together everything was separate—we would buy groceries separately, he would give me his half of the rent money, everything was very “HIS” and “MINE.” Our money was always separate until we got married, but we did share a mutual savings account that we both put money in to for the wedding and our future. It’s strange for me to think about the time when we lived very very divided lives and although I think we moved rather quickly in moving in together, looking back we were very independent from each other—we didn’t even do our laundry in the same machine! I haven’t had many issues with our combined finances and lifestyle now that we’ve been officially married for more than a year. In fact, I think it is less stressful now because we both had different priorities with our time and money before we were married, and now we are both working towards a common goal (house, kids, etc.).

    We moved in together just before we got engaged. No regrets here—we ended up with so many big changes right after we got married that if we had not lived together, it would have been a lot more difficult. The only real difference between before and after the wedding is that now we have better stuff. Kidding. Sort-of.

    When Mr. Socks and I moved in together, we had only been dating about six months, and the arrangement was supposed to be temporary. I had just graduated college, didn’t have a job yet, and it was either shack up with him, or move home to Cincinnati. So we bought a house.

    No regrets whatsoever. It worked, it was wonderful, and I don’t think we would be as strong of a team if we hadn’t lived together before marriage.

    Mr. D and I moved in together two years before our wedding date (after six years of dating). He had just finished undergrad and I was about to start grad school. I think living together is sooo important before marriage. The two years we spent living together helped us to iron out our differences in how we both “kept” a home. It also was wonderful to come home from a long day and have someone to hang out with, cook dinner with and talk with. I always tell Mr. D that I feel like we are having sleepovers every night. It’s so wonderful to live with your best friend.

    I’m so happy we lived together before we were married. I wouldn’t have done it any other way!

    We actually never lived together until we got married at the courthouse a few months before our wedding. Which is a little odd, since we spent the night at each others’ places pretty much every night before that. Though it seemed like we wanted to keep our spaces separate until we were married, then we could combine it all. I can’t say that I would do anything differently. The situation worked for us, and it also kept our parents happy. We’ve had our fair share of ironing out the kinks that come from living together, but just under a year into it we’ve got the whole process pretty much under control.

    We lived together out of practicality after 1 year of dating. I was moving from Indiana to DC where he worked and we were engaged, so it just didn’t make sense for me to get my own apartment. This was a very good thing because I couldn’t find steady work for six months!

    We sort of combined immediately because I had nothing. I couldn’t pay my “half” of the rent or groceries or utilities. After I did get a job, I still didn’t pay half. I made much less than Ribs, so we paid proportional to our incomes. I did keep my checking separate until we were married, though.

    No regrets about living together. The first six months were stressful because I was away from all of my family and had no money and no job, but we worked through it, which for me was a testament to the relationship. Of course nothing huge changed once married since we had already been through the merging process, but we combined our checking and savings. It’s all ours now, which is a pretty big mindset change!

    When we moved in together, we had been together for three and a half years and engaged for nine months already. We combined finances immediately because I was a student and he was just starting out, and we could barely afford half of anything anyway so financial separation didn’t really make a lot of sense (plus we were pretty committed by that point. I wouldn’t have done that if he were just a boyfriend).

    Despite knowing each other very well, we had some growing pains in the first few months of living together, and so I’m really glad we lived together before the wedding. If we hadn’t, I might have associated that stress with marriage instead of just cohabitation, and that would have been really upsetting. Instead, we had nine more months to adjust to each other’s habits before the wedding (and,香港马会内部资料, really, it only took three of those). So after the wedding, it was easy to just sort of settle in and relax and enjoy being married, instead of figuring out who was going to do what chores or be responsible for what bills.

    Mr. R and I have been living together for almost 4 years—we actually moved in together exactly a month after we started dating! We were both coming from living with our parents, so we basically owned nothing. All the furniture and electronics we’ve amassed along the way have always been “ours,” so we never had to deal with figuring out whose stuff is going where. I’m sure that’s a common source of stress for people just moving in together, so I’m glad we were able to avoid that.

    Around the time we got engaged (about 2 years ago) we also combined our finances, which was surprisingly painless for the both of us. To this day we have never fought about money.

    Since we’ve been married, nothing has really changed on that front. We recently got more serious about possibly getting a house instead of apartment dwelling, but we came to the conclusion that homeownership just isn’t for us right now.

    So, all in all, it’s the same and I have no complaints!

    We moved in together about a year and a half into our relationship, and a little over a year before we got engaged. I was surprised then to find that the transition to moving in together (from a year of being long distance) was really smooth—people asked if it was weird to live together, and I would say, “not really, it feels totally normal.” We moved right before the wedding, and it was the first time that we had really apartment hunted together, which was great to start our marriage in an apartment that was truly ours. Other than that, nothing has really changed in terms of living together. I am happy with when we moved in together, and I would change it—I think it helped our transition from engaged to married (and that has been smooth as well!).

    We lived together for about two years prior to getting married—almost our entire engagement. Though we had originally planned to wait to move in together until after the ring was on my finger (something my parents would have liked), roommate difficulties accelerated the timeline.

    I’m not one of those people who will say it’s absolutely imperative that a couple live together prior to getting married. I think that if two people love each other deeply, they will be able to live together regardless the fact that they may need to compromise on certain things. However, I did love living with Burger prior to being married (still love it!). Living together definitely enhanced and strengthened our relationship, and nothing much changed after our wedding, except that we had more stuff to share. We are moving out of our inner-city apartment and into a townhouse in the ‘burbs shortly, and we’re excited to have our first (more) “grown up” home.

    We lived together for a few years before we got married. As a young girl I figured I’d only live with someone if we were engaged or married, but boy does that seem like a long time ago. By the time I met Mr. Pug, I didn’t feel it necessary to wait until after engagement or marriage—our desire to spend time together, combined with a healthy dose of convenience, made the “decision” (it wasn’t really a decision, it just happened) a no-brainer.

    I guess in retrospect we could have done it with a little ceremony or acknowledgment, like a housewarming gift or something, but I do believe we are some of the most unromantic people on earth.

    We moved in together about six months before we got engaged. This was also after a year of living two hours apart from each other (so when we saw each other on weekends it was more like, “ooh we’re on vacation and can be wrapped up in our own little bubble together!”). I’m SO glad that we moved in together before we were engaged or married. For us it was just the right decision. We both knew that we were going to get married at some point (I wouldn’t have moved in with him if I didn’t know it was leading to marriage), and since he was moving to the city that I lived in it made more sense to get a place together than to each have our own separate apartments.

    I’ve loved living with Mr. EB. I’ve never lived with a significant other before, so I wasn’t entirely certain how it was going to go. Luckily, it’s been really great. Sure sometimes there are days that I want to be like Carrie in Sex and the City and draw a curtain closed and just tell him not to talk to me for a few minutes,香港黄大仙救世网, but given that we’re both independent types we understand that need and give it to each other when we need it.

    Since our wedding things don’t feel hugely different at all, except that it feels more permanent somehow (even though we’ll be leaving this apartment when our lease is up). I can’t wait until we can buy a place and really feel like we’re setting down roots, but we’ll get there eventually!

    Our living situation before the wedding was…complicated. Until two months before the wedding we lived in the same student dorm, but in separate wings. Then two months before the wedding we lived with my family in a teeny-tiny house. I shared a room with my sisters, and Mr E shared with my brother…so our “living together” was, well…less private than we would have liked. I will just leave it at that. We properly moved in together after the wedding, and it just felt so right. I was pleasantly surprised how easy it was to get used to each other. I’m quite independent at times, so I was worried it would be hard for me to share my space, but so far it has worked out well. I work in my corner of the living room, he works in his corner, and that way we aren’t in each others’ road but we are close enough to not feel lonely. Our path to getting to this point (the living with family, etc.) wasn’t exactly simple and/or easy at times, but in the end I think it gradually eased us into how things would be once we finally had our own little place, and I wouldn’t change that.

    We lived together for more than a year before we got married; we actually got engaged soon after I moved in. All things being equal (proximity to each other, etc.) I cannot stress enough how nice it was to live together first. I don’t like when lots of major life changes happen at once. So, I was glad to have settled into a home before dealing with our wedding and then the married-life stuff. There really is a lot you learn about someone once you live together; incorporating these things into my routine independent of I Do”saved my sanity.

    Mr. Mary Jane and I have no shame: we lived together the entire time we dated. Literally, the two events (us dating, and his move-in) are one and the same. The Cliff notes is: We were co-workers and interested in each other, I had a large apartment I couldn’t really afford alone, and Mr. MJ needed a place to live. So hey, why wouldn’t he move in with me? We could date too, and it would be totally convenient!! Like the Pugs, we didn’t exactly have a ceremonial celebration of our choice or think of it as a milestone or anything like that. Living together was a practical choice. We’re both adults who have been in serious relationships before, and so our parents were surprisingly very accepting of our living situation. Maybe they could just tell we were a good match! Our choice could have led us to crash and burn, but thankfully it did not. Instead, it forced us to deal with our differences and issues early on in our relationship, learning to compromise, share, and work together on budgeting, purchasing, chores, schedules and all of the other things that pop up when you live with another person. Before our six month anniversary, we were already more open about things like money and emotions than a lot of couples we know who’ve been together (or married) for years.

    Also, since we’re both in grad school and have been the entire time we’ve known each other, living together was really the only way we ever saw each other. (Dating? What is that? Does it require you go places other than work and school? If so, count us out because we have night classes and research!)

    By the time we bought our house together in 2009 (4 months before we were married; 18 months after we first moved in together and started dating), we had our cohabitation situation totally figured out and comfortable. Our first few months living together were kind of rough: partially because it was a new relationship for us, and partially just because living with a person is hard! I am very glad we got them out of the way. I don’t really think anything changed after marriage…life just kept on going the way it has been. I definitely do not regret living with Mr. MJ throughout our relationship. It forced us to get to know each other quickly and completely, with no surprises or conflicts to discover at a later time.

    We lived together for a little over a year and a half before we got married, but the first big change I felt happened when we got engaged. I think that before that point, I had subconsciously been keeping “my” stuff separate from “her” stuff. There was a mild contingency plan in the back of my mind in case things didn’t work out.

    Once we were officially engaged, it all shifted into *our* stuff, and *our* life. The art on our walls was ours, and we began consulting each other more when buying new things or making big plans (vacations, school applications, etc.). When we got married, the process of registering and deciding what we as a couple needed and wanted (new pots and pans but not new dishes; we’d rather get a toaster oven) felt even more like making *our* home our home. I think that was the biggest shift for me: home felt more like home.

    We lived together for over two years by the time we were married. Yes, it’s only been about a month but I don’t find much difference in how I feel about our relationship. I do find we have a better sense of camaraderie in the housework. (Even prior to the marriage but the stress level has definitely decreased since the wedding—allowing me to notice it) It took me a long time to ask him to do something instead of getting pissed off because I expected him to do something. Ladies! Ask him, straight up, if he can help you with something. We all remember the dishes scene from The Break-Up. I want you to want to do the dishes won’t get him to do the dishes.

    Living together is hard. There are days when I want to gauge his eyes out with the bristles underneath the vacuum and there are other days that I’m in awe of his ability to finish a basement or build a shed. It’s an adjustment.

    Do I regret it? Hell no. This is the path we have chosen and there is no point in what-ifs. Whenever I find myself wondering about whether it would feel different to be married and moving in together I think about how difficult it was to get used to each other in the same space all. the. time. Not to mention, someone always monitoring my Marshall’s purchases.

    No matter what, I think it is important for you to own your choice. I don’t think any way is better than another. Do what is right for you both as a couple. I certainly don’t believe in that living together prior to marriage increases your risk of divorce statistic. In the words of Tim Gunn, you gotta “Make It Work!”

    Like Socks, we moved in together after 6 months of dating. In retrospect it feels totally crazypants, but at the time it just made sense. I’d wrapped up grad school and my lease was up, and Mr. Seashell was paying month-to-month rent at his current place. The idea of finding my own place in the city seemed pointless when Mr. Seashell and I spent so many of our nights and weekends together. We agreed that it felt a little too soon, but signing separate one year leases also seemed really tedious.

    After a year of living together we began the process of searching for our first home and also talked openly about our plans for marriage. There was never a doubt for either of us that the process of moving in together was about a shared vision for our future. Simply put, I would have never moved in with a guy whom I felt wasn’t totally committed.

    Since our wedding, nothing about living together feels different. In some ways I feel that there are differences in our relationship, but not in the dynamics and logistics of sharing a home.

    Mr. Peng and I moved in together two years before we got engaged (four years into our relationship). It was a cozy (smirk) 460 square foot studio in San Francisco. We signed the lease and my parents came over to see it. My dad was astonished by the small size and remarked, “Wow, how are you guys going to fit TWO beds in here?”

    AWWWKKKWARRRDDD. I quietly remarked that there would only be one bed, and we both felt like dying inside. All I could think of was my dad hearing this song playing in his head. Oh. Mygod. Die.

    Anyway, moving in together before getting married worked for us, but I will admit that it made me a bit crazy when it came to wanting to get engaged. Once we bought our condo together I figured a proposal was immediately impending, but it didn’t come for over a year, and I thought I might die of anticipation. I think if we didn’t live together for so long pre-engagement I wouldn’t have felt that way. I guess I am always looking toward the next big step! We really have had a great time living together pre- and post- wedding. No complaints here!

    We moved in together after about one year of dating. Over the years, we slowly got rid of our separate single stuff and merged into “our” stuff. There aren’t any huge differences. For us, it has worked out really well. It took us several years to learn to live with each other. I’m glad we did it before getting married. We use to get so upset with each other over household duties. Now that we’ve worked out those kinks, we can really enjoy our first year of marriage. It’s getting better and better.


    What about you??If you lived together before you were married: was anything different once you were married? In hindsight, do you wish you had waited to move in together until after you were married?

    If you didn’t live together before you got married: looking back do you wish you did it differently? Are you surprised by anything about your spouse that you didn’t know about until you moved in together post-wedding?

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